


Windows to the Soul

by metalhamster



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, Fluff, Fontcest, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of genocide, Papyrus' cooking, Post-Pacifist Route, everyone can see it, so much cuteness your teeth will rot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 05:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14948834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalhamster/pseuds/metalhamster
Summary: In which Sans isn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thinks he is.





	Windows to the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve seen some fan art depicting Sans with little heart shapes in his eyes, and it inspired me to write this silly piece of fluff. (The ’T’ rating is mostly for language.) Enjoy!  
> Btw, this thing is unbeta’d, so feel free to correct any mistakes you find. Thank you!

Sans has always been proud of his self-control.

It was probably the only thing about himself that he was somewhat content with. Dodging emotional issues came naturally to him. Sure, Papyrus was sometimes able to see through his mask of a grin – probably a little more than Sans was willing to admit –, but overall, he did a commendable job of fooling everyone into thinking that he was okay. He lazed around, sipping ketchup, pulling childish pranks, doing everything with as little effort as possible, and whenever someone (usually his brother, bless his caring soul) asked something that hit a bit too close to home, he just shrugged and cracked a lame joke that would make them groan, and that was the end of it.

After Frisk set the Underground free, things have changed. They’ve changed a lot, actually. For one, Sans found out that he wasn’t as alone as he had thought to be. The kid, determined as they were, and with a gentle nudge from Asgore, managed to make him finally open up about the resets to his friends. It wasn’t an easy confession by any means; he had to make absolutely sure that nobody harbored any lingering animosity toward Frisk, and it stirred up a lot of conflicted feelings in all parties involved, to put it mildly, but after the dust settled (probably not the best choice of words, now that he thought about it), Sans found himself oddly relieved. He stepped out in the open, and instead of being rejected, he was accepted and understood. He still couldn’t quite forgive himself, but now he had his friends to back him up whenever he felt like slipping into darkness again. He didn’t have to hide his feelings as much anymore.

Except…

Except for those that he held toward his brother.

Those decidedly more-than-brotherly feelings that he had been struggling with for a while.

And it was to remain just like that. From early on, Sans decided that honesty and straightforwardness was all well and good, but it would only be for the best if this was kept a secret forever. While relationship between siblings wasn’t entirely unheard of among monsters, it was still rather unusual and certainly not something you boasted about in public. And living with humans just complicated things even further. Sans shuddered at the thought of Papyrus getting mocked or hurt because of something he wasn’t at fault for. He could never have forgiven himself if his beloved brother had gotten his heart broken because of Sans’ selfishness.

Besides… Papyrus deserved better.

He didn’t deserve someone who had been too weak and faulty to save them even once, who used to be too lazy and apathetic to care until it was too late to care, who was only holding him back, dragging him down by being unable to cope with some inner demons. He deserved someone as brave, strong, kind-hearted and cool as he was. He deserved the best.

And with this, Sans found himself lying and pretending again, holding everything back again, just like he had used to do while still stuck under that mountain. He wasn’t proud of himself for doing so, far from it. Sometimes he felt his behavior was unfair to Papyrus, who were nothing but truthful with him. Sometimes he felt that by making himself miserable, he was doing both of them a disservice. Sometimes he even felt that for once in his life, he deserved to be with the one he loved the most in the world.

But he sure as hell didn’t deserve his brother.

So he tried his best to hide it all. He buried his emotions under a thick layer of cringy puns and nonchalant shrugs. He resisted the temptation to hold his brother’s hand when they were watching TV together. He suppressed the urge to bury his face into Papyrus’ neck and whisper loving words to him whenever the younger skeleton pulled him into a goodnight hug. On one particular occasion, after Sans had surprised him with a brand new set of cookware, Papyrus scooped him up and made an impromptu dance around their living room, holding him close, positively beaming at him, his cheekbones a beautiful shade of pink, and it took Sans every ounce of his willpower to not grab his brother and kiss him silly right then and there. Instead, he teleported out of the room with some lame excuse, and when he eventually returned, he made sure to be as annoying as monsterly possible, to keep Papyrus at arm’s length.

Needless to say, it wasn’t the most wholesome coping mechanism, but it worked. As far as Sans could tell, nobody was catching on. It wasn’t that surprising, really. After all, he was pretty good at his job.

*

The usual Thursday afternoon stroll with Tori was looking out to be especially pleasant that week, what with the early summer weather and the prospect of finally spending some leisure time with his best buddy – the end of the school year was a rather busy period for them both. The former queen had settled surprisingly quickly into a new routine on the surface. Teaching had always been something that she wanted to try her paws at, and human children proved to be curious and enthusiastic to know more about magic and monsterkind. She even offered Sans a teaching job at the school, and while at first the skeleton was somewhat reluctant about being around human kids, he quickly found out that he actually enjoyed talking about physics to the little brats and showing them tricks to spice up the lectures. It beat performing stand-up at Mettaton’s new resort for sure.

That said, going out for some nice cream without the ever-present background noise of a classroom was a welcome change of pace. They decided to go into a nearby park to enjoy the sunshine (which was still something of a novelty to monsters), and to stretch their legs after all the paperwork. That is, Sans took a few steps before deciding that this was enough workout for the day and plopping down on a bench under a large poplar. Tearing open a ketchup packet, he carefully poured its contents all over the frozen treat and, satisfied with the results, promptly shoved it into his mouth.

„Sans, don’t tell me that you’re tired already!”, Toriel chided him gently, trying and failing to sound stern.

„hey, even the undead need their beauty rest.”

“There’s no need to rush though”, she said airily, settling down next to him. „We’d have sat down e _bench_ ually.”

Sans’ grin tilted upwards a little. It is on.

„whatsamatter, tori? afraid you won’t _ketchup_ with me?”

„Why Sans, you of all people should know that I’m always _pun_ ctual.”

„oh, good _retort_. did you get it from the chemistry lab?”

„I only did it because I would hate to see you out of your _element_.”

„no worries there. yesterday I tied all of the kids’ shoelaces together and we had a nice _class trip_.”

„It’s good to hear you have such bright _pupils_.”

„easy for them when the headmistress is _all ears_.”

„Still, you’re doing well for someone doing a _skeleton_ of work.”

„what can i say? a teacher gotta stay _classy_.”

„Did you hear one of my students are her homework? I’d told her it was a _piece of cake_!”

„alright, you win. i can’t compete with someone with such a _fang_ tastic sense of humor.”

Heh heh, that was a good one. Judging from her laughter, Toriel seemed to agree. Finished with the nice cream, Sans read the wrapper (“Have a sunny day!”) and leaned back on the bench with a relaxed sigh, looking up at the fragments of bright blue sky peeking through the leaves. Lulled into a peaceful state by the companionable silence, he let his mind wander. And as per usual lately, his thoughts quickly turned to the same subject.

„hey, tori, have i told you paps has passed his finals?”

„That’s wonderful news, Sans! Does this mean that he’s officially a chef now?”

„yep. big poofy hat and all.” And it looked really good on him, too. „could you, uh, do us a favor and let him take a peek around your kitchen one of these days? it’d mean a lot to him.”

„Of course”, she said warmly. „You know I’m always glad to help you two out. And I hope he soon finds a job that makes him fulfilled and happy.”

„thanks, tori. he deserves it.”

He more than deserved it. Sans was pretty sure that in a few years, there would be no self-respecting restaurants in the city that would turn down the opportunity to work with his brother. And if they would, their loss. With Undyne’s lessons out of the picture, the quality of Papyrus’ cooking had gone through an astounding transformation, changing from „barely edible” to „actually pretty good” to „can I get a second helping, please?” in a matter of months. The young skeleton pursued relentlessly whatever goal he set for himself, be it designing traps, cooking, or looking after his lazybones of a brother. He had never met a monster quite like him, Sans mused, his grin softening into a fond smile. Papyrus was truly something special, a shining example of persistence, optimism and forgiveness. He always strived to do the right thing. He never ever gave up. No matter the circumstances, he gave his absolute best. Stars, he was so cool…

„…?”

„mhm.”

So cool…

„…Sans?”

„yeah?”, he murmured absent-mindedly, still halfway immersed in his daydreams. When only silence followed, he turned his head only to see Toriel staring at him with an odd look on her face. It only lasted for a moment though; then she started to chuckle softly, trying to hide her growing smile behind her paw. Somewhat puzzled, Sans quirked a nonexistent eyebrow at her.

„what is it? am i that _humerus_ that i don’t even have to tell a joke to make you laugh?”

„Oh, no, no, it’s nothing, Sans”, she objected demurely, but her tone remained playful. „I’m just glad that you feel… light-hearted.”

Sans wasn’t entirely sure if this was meant to be another pun, and he had the feeling he was missing out on something, but Tori seemed to be content with keeping the source of her amusement to herself for now. Well, he sure wasn’t going to ruin her fun. Grin wide and relaxed, the skeleton leaned back on the bench and shrugged lightly.

”easiest crowd ever.”

*

„stuorps slessurb dnuop eno.”

„…WHAT?”

„flah ni tuc, cilrag evolc eno.”

„…SANS, YOU’RE HOLDING THE COOKBOOK UPSIDE DOWN.”

„oops. my bad, bro. let’s see… three tablespoons butter, divided. hey, you’re right, this thing makes much more sense now.”

„YOU WERE DOING THAT ON PURPOSE, WEREN’T YOU?”

„c’mon, paps, i’m not that _cook_ y. i thought maybe this was a special e _dish_ on.”

„YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.”

„trying to placate me with flattery, huh? two tablespoons minced shallots.”

„NEVERTHELESS – IT’S NICE OF YOU TO HELP ME OUT, BROTHER!”

„don’t mention it. two tablespoons all-purpose flour.”

Papyrus was buzzing around excitedly in Toriel’s kitchen, the goat monster trusting his skills enough to let him cook for the evening (it might have also helped that they had promised in advance not to let Undyne anywhere near the oven). The young skeleton had recently gotten his first job as an apprentice cook in a restaurant, and they were going to celebrate it with a sleepover. The exams had taken quite a toll on the brothers’ quality time together, and charade or not, after two weeks of barely seeing each other, Sans was longing for Papyrus’ company. So he offered to lend him a hand, which Papyrus eagerly accepted, and soon enough, Sans found himself lying on the counter, levitating the recipe book in front of his face (out of pure laziness, of course, and certainly not because the sight of a handsome young skeleton dancing around in form-fitting clothes threatened to be too much for his willpower to take) while idly munching on a bag of peanuts, not bothering to remove the shells before he chowed down on them.

„SANS, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SNACKING BEFORE DINNER? IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!”

„dude, my health is already as low as possible, i doubt i can do anything to ruin it any further.” Heh, it was certainly a convenient excuse sometimes.

„WELL, PERHAPS IF YOU FOLLOWED A MORE BALANCED DIET, THAT WOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE!”

„no problem there, i’m already _nuts_ about eating well.”

Papyrus’ face fell a little at that.

„SANS, I’M SERIOUS! YOU SHOULD TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF! I MEAN, IN MOST CASES, I GLADLY DO THAT FOR YOU, AFTER ALL, I’M MORE THAN UP TO THE TASK! BUT EVEN I CAN’T HELP IT IF YOU GORGE YOURSELF ON JUNK FOOD, AND THEN HAVE NO SPACE LEFT FOR MY NUTRITIOUS AND HEALTHY MEALS!”

At his brother’s resentful tone, Sans quickly sat up on the counter, his grin faltering. He put the peanuts aside.

„paps, you know i’ll always have space for your cooking. no amount of ketchup can change that. i just stuff my face ’cause i can’t wait to taste the real thing.”

„W-WELL… THANK YOU, BROTHER! I’M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU LOOK FORWARD TO THIS SPECIAL DISH! COULD YOU PASS ME THE PEPPER?”

„here you go. in _mint_ condition, as always.”

Groaning at the pun (even if his grin was twitching slightly, heh heh), Papyrus put the casserole in the oven and closed the door. He double-checked the temperature, nodded to himself, and took a seat on a kitchen stool, stretching his back. Sans quickly looked away, pretending to be deeply interested in the patterns of the wall tiles.

„DID YOU ENJOY OUR COOKING SESSION, SANS?”

„sure, bro. ’twas fun.”

„IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE COULD SPEND MORE TIME LIKE THIS TOGETHER.” Papyrus rested his chin on one hand and gave Sans a small smile. „I’VE REALLY MISSED YOUR COMPANY, BROTHER.”

Leave it to Papyrus to make him feel like the most important monster in the world just by speaking his mind. Sans felt his soul flutter in his ribcage, his smile widening.

„heh. same here, paps.”

They sat without talking for a few seconds, both of them immersed in their own thoughts. When Papyrus finally broke the silence, his voice sounded uncharacteristically hesitant.

„I… I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING, SANS.”

„yeah? ’bout what?”

When no answer came, Sans turned his head and found Papyrus’ gaze searching his face with a curious expression. The taller skeleton looked uncertain, phalanges fidgeting with the fringes of his apron. Was Papyrus nervous about talking to him?

„papyrus, is everything okay? you know you can tell me anything, right?”

His brother gave him a small nod.

„well then.” He gave Papyrus an encouraging smile. „out with it.”

„W-WELL, IT’S ABOUT YOU. AND THAT… THING YOU DO SOMETIMES.”

Sans blinked.

„uh, bro, i know i don’t do that much, but you gotta be a little more specific than that.”

His breath hitched when Papyrus stood up abruptly and stepped close to the counter, taking Sans’ hands in his, thumbs grazing his phalanges nervously. Not trusting himself enough to speak, the small skeleton decided to just give them a reassuring squeeze and keep smiling. It must have worked, because after a moment, Papyrus stepped even closer – stars, this was just too close, too much, he’ll surely slip up at this rate –, cleared his throat and looked Sans right in the eyesockets.

„I… I wanted to ask if you could –”

The kitchen door slammed open, causing Papyrus to jump back with a loud squeak.

„Hey, punks!! Are we in any danger of getting that five-star dinner yet? We’re STARVING out here!” Undyne stood in the doorway, flashing sharp yellow fangs at them. Papyrus adjusted his chef’s hat and stood up tall, trying to regain some of his dignity.

„OH! UNDYNE! YOU, UH, MOST DEFINITELY DIDN’T SCARE ME! AND THE CASSEROLE WILL BE READY IN TEN MINUTES!”

The fish monster sniffed the air and smiled appreciatively.

„It smells really nice in here! And the kitchen is still standing! Good job, Papyrus!” The slap she gave him on the back would probably have sent Sans flying across the room but didn’t even make Papyrus flinch.

„THANK YOU!”

„You sure you don’t need my help? Just say the word and I’ll knock those veggies into next week and back!”

Papyrus quickly stood in front of the oven and flashed his brightest smile at his friend.

„THANK YOU, UNDYNE, BUT THERE’S REALLY NO NEED RIGHT NOW! I GOT THE SITUATION UNDER CONTROL! BESIDES, SANS MAKES A GREAT ASSISTANT COOK!”

„Wow!” Undyne turned to the smaller skeleton with a wry smile. „You actually helping him out, nerd?”

„sure.” Sans closed his sockets and leaned back on the counter, hands in pockets. „you know i hate being _counter_ productive.”

„UGH! I better leave you two here to finish whatever you’ve been doing before your puns give me a headache. Don’t burn the house down!”

Heh heh. Takes one to know one, apparently.

„And Papyrus…”

Curiosity piqued at her sterner tone, Sans opened one of his sockets to a fraction and saw Undyne give his brother a meaningful look, nodding in Sans’ direction.

„…don’t forget what we talked about earlier, okay?”

 „O-OKAY.”

…Huh. Were Undyne and his brother talking about him some time earlier? What for? Even if Sans knew that everyone had secrets, the fact that his little brother didn’t tell him when something was clearly bothering him still made him a little uncomfortable. Didn’t Papyrus trust him?

And it looked like it was to remain so for a while, too. After Undyne returned to the dining room, Sans realized with a hint of disappointment that their previously interrupted talk was not going to resume any time soon. Papyrus quickly set out to clean the cooking utensils – the earlier the dirty work is done, the better! –, and then started to set the table. Overall, he looked far too busy to come up with his mystery question again, but from time to time, he shoot his older brother a sidelong glance, like he was looking for something that Sans didn’t know he had lost.

*

The kid must had been on the brink of starvation indeed, if the way they wolfed down their portion was any indication. After cleaning their plate, they rubbed their belly contentedly, giving Papyrus a thumbs up, which the skeleton reciprocated with a huge beaming grin, hands flying up to his chin, cheekbones blushing deeply.

„I’M GLAD YOU FOUND THE FOOD TO YOUR LIKING, HUMAN! WE WORKED REALLY, REALLY HARD ON IT!”

„Frisk is right, Papyrus”, Toriel added with an approving smile. „This is one of your best dishes yet! Do you think you could teach me how to make it?”

„CERTAINLY, LADY ASGORE!”

„Just Toriel, my child.”

The six of them were sitting around the dining table, chatting it up, gushing about anime, cracking jokes (which usually failed to make anyone laugh except for Sans and Toriel) and taking turns in praising the food, making Papyrus’ smile brighter with every word. Interrupted conversations aside, it promised to be a pleasant evening. When Toriel went upstairs to make the guest beds, Sans took the opportunity to challenge Undyne and Frisk to a burping contest, which they won in the first round, given that skeletons couldn’t burp at all. Not that that prevented Undyne from boasting about their flawless victory.

„Team effort for the win, punk!”, she grinned at the kid, giving them a high five. Papyrus, on the other hand, was less than amused.

„THAT WAS DISGUSTING, UNDYNE. SANS, WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THEM?”

„dunno, bro, it must be a lifestyle thing, since we live in the su _burps_?”

„AAAGH!”

Undyne snorted with laughter. „Oh, come on, Papyrus! It’ just a sign that the food was good!”

„…IT IS?”, Papyrus inquired, rather suspicious.

„A-actually, in Ch-chinese culture, burping after eating means th-that the meal was v-very good and s-satisfying”, Alphys chimed in while looking for something kid-friendly among the many DVD cases scattered across the floor. She gave them a hesitant smile, adjusting her glasses. Undyne beamed at her girlfriend, leaning down to give her a kiss on the nose.

„See? She knows everything that matters.”

Alphys blushed at the praise and looked at Papyrus, who was sitting on the couch with Sans next to him.

„S-so if Undyne and F-frisk even competed to find out who can b-be the loudest, it means that the d-dinner was extraordinary!”

„So extraordinary that it inspired us to challenge ourselves in new and unexplored ways!” Undyne exclaimed, punching her fist in the air. „I knew you had it in you, Papyrus!”

„I… KNEW IT, TOO? STILL, IT WAS A MIGHTY CHALLENGE TO OVERCOME! AND SANS HELPED ME A LOT!”

Hearing his name out of the blue caught Sans off guard. He scratched his cheekbone and let out a small chuckle.

„huh, and i always thought my help was a _recipe_ for disaster.”

„PLEASE DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF YOUR ASSISTANCE, BROTHER! WHILE I READILY ADMIT THAT THIS DISH MOST CERTAINLY NEEDED MY GREATNESS TO REACH ITS FULL POTENTIAL, IT WAS A COOPERATIVE EFFORT! THE LEAST I COULD DO IS TO GIVE YOU CREDIT! I COULDN’T HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU.”

It was clear to Sans that Papyrus wasn’t talking only about the casserole. He implicitly thanked him for all the support Sans gave him throughout school, for all the patience he showed when Papyrus had been going through a rough patch. The younger skeleton put an arm around Sans’ shoulder, pulling him closer, looking at him with such fondness and gratitude that Sans couldn’t suppress the warmth blossoming in his soul. Of course he gave Papyrus everything he could. He would have given him the world if he had asked for it. He was inclined to shuffle closer and give him a hug, but he didn’t trust himself enough to actually do it, not with the previous events in the kitchen. Instead, he opted for a light shrug, grin smug as always, looking up in the corner of the room.

„i live to serve. you might as well say –”

He turned his gaze back at the company gathered in front of the couch, and the pun caught in his throat. Instead of cringing prematurely, bracing themselves for the impact – a regular preventive measure preceding his jokes – , Undyne was staring at him slack-jawed, one eyebrow creeping up to almost reach her hairline, while Alphys gasped and blushed furiously. Slightly baffled by their reaction, Sans turned to Frisk, who, as per usual, didn’t say anything, but their mouth was curled into an almost imperceptible smile. Undyne finally closed her mouth, only to slowly break into a wide grin that Sans could adequately describe as ’predatory’. She turned to her girlfriend, who was desperately trying to hide her reddened face behind her claws.

„So… let’s just say that with his skills, Papyrus will surely break a few… hearts in the industry”, Undyne said in a measured tone, nudging the lizard monster in the side with her elbow. Her words seemed to finally do Alphys in, as she let out a giggle before taking off her glasses to clean them in her dress.

„Y-yes! After all, he all but p-pours his… heart in it!”

Both of them broke into laughter, Undyne slapping her knees with loud guffaws, Alphy softly chuckling to herself while avoiding the brothers’ eyes. Apparently, Frisk decided to join the fun as they started to sign swiftly with their tiny hands.

_„Don’t let him ever be disheartened, Sans.”_

„…sure thing, kiddo.” What was happening here?

Papyrus must have had the same thoughts as him, as he turned to Sans with a puzzled expression.

„SANS, IS THIS YOUR DOING? BUT YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL A JOKE!”

„i guess i’m just a natural, bro.”

„MAYBE IT WAS MY EXCELLENT COOKING THAT PUT THEM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD?”

„It sure made for a hearty meal”, Toriel chimed in, coming down the stairs. Okay, now this was getting more than suspicious. In an attempt to figure out the cause of the merriment, Sans tried to come up with a question adequate for the situation, but with the goat monster joining them, Undyne finally plopped down in front of the TV set, pulling a bowl of popcorn in her lap and effectively signaling the end of the conversation.

„Alright, punks! Ready to get this slumber hearty started?”

As the evening continued and the heart puns piled up, Sans came to the conclusion that this time, the joke was definitely at his expense, and being kept in the dark like this made him a little uneasy. Usually, it was him cracking the puns, while the others struggled to keep up. Good-natured as he was though, he decided to just roll with it for now. It’s not like he couldn’t take a few jabs aimed at him.

Besides, he could always pay them back later.

*

The house was dark and silent when he jolted awake, panting and trembling, a thin sheet of sweat on his skull and his left eye ablaze. Still in the clutches of the dream, he sat up on the couch, trying to figure out where he was, desperately searching for any signs of life. It can’t be happening again, it just can’t, please, please…

„Sans?”

Oh, thank the stars…

The nightmares had gotten rarer and rarer, but they still lingered. Sans wondered if he would ever be rid of them. Probably not. Getting killed over and over again, losing your loved ones over and over again was not something that would ever leave your life.

Not that any of this mattered when he felt the couch cushions dip under the weight of his brother, and in the next moment, two skeletal arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm embrace. Somewhat reluctantly, he leaned against Papyrus and took a deep, shaky breath, his eyelights slowly returning to normal.

„sorry for waking you up.”

„It’s fine”, Papyrus murmured, voice kept deliberately low. The small skeleton felt a long, bony hand slide up against the back of his skull, starting to pet him slowly, reassuringly. Normally, Sans would have scolded himself for engaging in this kind of self-indulgence, but it just felt too good to pass up right now. His eyesockets fell closed as he let out an exhausted sigh.

„Do you want to talk about it?”

„not really… at least, not now.”

„Okay.”

After all, what was talking good for, Sans wondered. It certainly didn’t help him stop that damn kid. It didn’t make the time machine work any better. It didn’t erase any of his stupid mistakes, no matter how many resets occurred. Sure, he forced his friends to share his misery by not being able to keep his damn mouth shut (always a selfish one, wasn’t he?), but no amount of talking could change the past. He wished he could make it all up to them somehow, to make everything right again, spotless and clean, no bad memories, no nightmares, he wished to be someone else, someone who was capable and strong and just not an all-around screw-up, but that wasn’t happening any time soon, he’s stuck with himself for life, they’re all stuck with him, even if they deserved better, even if they all deserved to live, and in the next moment, Sans heard himself draw a sharp breath, hands grabbing Papyrus’ pajamas, the words tumbling out of him against his will.

„i’m sorry, papyrus… i’m so sorry…”

The tall skeleton pulled him a little closer, his head coming down to rest on the top of Sans’ skull.

„It was not your fault, brother. Please don’t blame yourself”, he whispered.

„i couldn’t save you. i couldn’t save any of you.”

„You tried your best, and that’s all that counts.”

Too bad his best wasn’t nearly enough.

„And remember, all of us tried to prevent… whatever was happening back there. And even I failed at it sometimes! Which means that it must have been an impossible task!... That poor human was probably very lonely… and really, really angry, I suppose?”

„heh heh… i guess they had a _bone_ to pick with us”, Sans managed to force out, aware that his chuckle sounded strained and watery. Papyrus could surely hear it as well, as he pulled him even closer, shifting him into his lap, and tucked Sans’ head safely against his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down his older brother’s spine, all the while whispering comforting words to him.

„You did everything you could.”

He didn’t.

„You were there for us when we needed you the most.”

He wasn’t.

„You are so strong… and brave… and smart… I’m so proud of you, Sans...”

And there it was. Papyrus at his most earnest, his optimism and kindness a constant in their lives. Never giving up on him. Always seeing the best in him, even when Sans could see nothing but a bag of trash. Always standing beside him.

„heh… i really don’t deserve a cool brother like you.”

„Please don’t talk like that.” Papyrus’ voice was laced with sadness and something akin to longing. „You deserve every inch of me, brother. You… you deserve the best. Just like I do.”

Sans could barely suppress a shiver when he felt the soft pressure of teeth against the crown of his skull.

„And Sans…”

Long phalanges reached under his chin and gently tilted it up –

„…you’re meeting all of my standards.”

He couldn’t help but look up at his brother then, soul overflowing with love and adoration, glad that the dimness of the room was hiding the warm blush spread across his cheekbones. Papyrus blinked at him for a moment, jaws slightly agape, before breaking into the brightest smile that Sans had ever seen on his face. He felt his soul flutter at the sight, and his own grin widened in response.

„paps? what is it?”

Papyrus just held him close, hiding his smile in Sans’ shoulder, his entire body shaking softly with laughter, desperately trying to keep his tone hushed.

„I’m… I’m just… oh, Sans…”

His sudden good mood proved to be contagious, and Sans started chuckling as well.

„hey, no fair. i know i’m hilarious, but let me in on the joke already.”

Instead of giving him an answer, Papyrus carefully shifted his body to lean against the back of the couch, adjusting their position slightly. He then bowed his head to playfully nuzzle his brother’s temple.

„Sans…”, he whispered, voice light and… teasing? „Look at the TV screen.”

Still dazed a little from their closeness, Sans lifted up his gaze. It was relatively dark in the room, but he could still make out their reflection, and most clearly…

_oh no –_

…the tiny, heart-shaped eyelights glowing in his sockets.

Fuck.

 _so this was what all the ruckus was about this evening_ , one half of his mind registered. The other half was swiftly getting pulled into a state of panic, pupils reforming immediately into pinpricks. He had to get out of here, right now. He needed time to think, to come up with a convenient lie to cover up his mistake. Maybe Papyrus didn’t quite understand what any of this meant. Maybe it wasn’t too late. But he had to get out. Sans started squirming in the embrace, his small hands coming up to push Papyrus away.

„i, uh… i’m sorry, bro, heh, just… can you just put me down now? i have to –”

„Sans, what’s wrong?”, Papyrus asked, obviously fully aware of the sudden shift in their mood. Shit, oh shit…

„nothing, it’s all fine, i just need to go –”

„Sans? Sans, please stop this! What has gotten into you?” The younger skeleton reluctantly let Sans out of his embrace, but he was still holding onto his hand, as if trying to keep him anchored.

„papyrus, i must go, please let me go, please –”

„NO!”, his brother cried out, clearly upset about his distress. „I most certainly won’t do that! You’re pulling away again, I can feel it! If I let you go now, you’ll just teleport away to who knows where and leave me here to worry myself sick!”

„bro, i’ll be back soon, i just… i just need some time to think.”

„Then let me think with you! Please! If you go out there all alone now you’re just going to beat yourself up again, and I won’t allow that!”

Why not? He deserved it.

„I know this must be hard for you, Sans, but please… stay with me…”

Sans felt his resolve crumble at the pleading words. Stars, he truly was prone to giving up easily, wasn’t he? He buried his face into his palm and let out a humorless chuckle. Leave it to him to fuck everything up. Leave it to him to drag Papyrus into this mess because he was too weak to even hide properly.

You had one job, Sans…

But Papyrus was still holding on to him, determined as always to make things right, not letting go of his hand. Sans knew that if he had left right now, he would have hurt him deeply. And the last thing he wanted was to hurt his brother in any way.

So he stayed.

He leaned back on the couch, too exhausted to pull away anymore. „i’m sorry, papyrus. i… i didn’t mean to… i’m sorry”, he mumbled, his tone weary and defeated.

A few moments of silence followed, their soft breathing being the only sound in the room. Sans felt the hand holding his own give him a gentle squeeze. He sighed through his nosehole and squeezed back weakly.

„You didn’t do it on purpose, then?”, Papyrus asked finally.

„huh? of course not. i didn’t even know my eyes could… do that.”

„Really?” Papyrus sounded surprised. „I did.”

What.

„w-what?” Sans stared at his brother, eyesockets wide. Clearly as tense as he was, Papyrus hunched forward a little.

„I might have… seen it a few times before?”

Good thing Sans’ jawbone was securely attached to the rest of his skull, otherwise it might have landed on the floor. Papyrus, sensing the ever-growing awkwardness in the air, scratched the side of his skull with his free hand, averting his gaze sheepishly.

„W-well, the first time I noticed it was when we ate our first dinner together on the surface! You looked so carefree and happy, and I decided to return every single one of your truly horrible puns for once, and then your eyes lit up like… like they did now, and at first I just thought that you really, really liked my spaghetti! Which is also true, of course, after all, who doesn’t! But then you made them again right after you bought my car for me and I gave you a kiss on the cheek for it, and certainly no spaghetti was involved there! And then it happened again when the two of us went stargazing together and I made a wish that we remained a cool brother team forever, and then again when we danced in the living room after you had given me the cookware set for my birthday, and then again last month when I took you to out to see that space movie as a surprise! And after all of this, I decided to consult the dating manual just to be sure, and it said nothing on the subject, probably because most humans have eyeballs, I guess! But still, I thought that maybe…”

Papyrus’ voice trailed off, coming to a halt after his rushed-out confession, and Sans felt the hand holding his own tremble a little.

„I… I thought that maybe it meant that you… feel the same way as… I do?”

Sans blinked, pretty much convinced now that he was still dreaming, or maybe that the casserole was having a funny effect on his senses. Either way, this was definitely too much for him to take in.

„…papyrus?”

The tall skeleton took a deep breath, and turned to face him, expression open and vulnerable.

„I… I love you, Sans.”

He couldn’t lie anymore.

Sans might have wished his brother a better partner. He might have had told himself that Papyrus was too precious for someone like him, that this would not end well. But he knew he couldn’t lie to him. Not now. So he gave in, his voice barely a whisper.

„i love you too.”

He wasn’t entirely certain what he had been expecting Papyrus to do after such a confession. This was clearly new territory for both of them, and, still reeling from the surprise, Sans was unsure how to proceed. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to proceed, even if his soul cried out to him to hold his brother close and never let him go. He didn’t want to force Papyrus to do something he wasn’t absolutely ready for.

So after saying the words, he just squeezed his brother’s hand and looked him in the eyesockets, trying to look much more confident and calm than he felt. Papyrus gave him a small, shy smile, and moved his other hand closer, palm upwards, asking him a silent question. Sans took a deep breath and took hold of it, lacing their fingers together. Somehow, it made him feel safe. This… this seemed to be a good start.

„I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier… but I was… a little afraid, I guess? I was wondering, Sans.” The younger skeleton was stroking his hands absent-mindedly with his thumbs now, shuffling a little closer. „Back in the kitchen, I was about to ask if you could look at me like that again… or if you wanted to. I haven’t seen them in your eyes in the last few weeks… and I’ve missed them. They’re so beautiful.”

He took hold of Sans’ left wrist gently and brought it to his mouth, kissing each of his knuckles. The small skeleton moved closer for easier access, so their knees were almost touching. He opened his palm tentatively, shaky fingers coming up to caress Papyrus’ face, and his brother leaned into the touch.

„I want you to look at me like that again.”

Sans closed his sockets, afraid that if he met Papyrus’ gaze now, he would inevitably give in, and that would not do. He wanted his brother to understand what he was getting into. He cleared his throat.

„pap… you… you do know this is not how brothers usually… feel toward each other?”

„I know! I mean, I don’t know that many brothers yet, but I’m pretty sure I should have heard of such a relationship by now if it was that common! And I understand if you have your misgivings, Sans! I really do. But I’m… I’m ready to give it my best, and I’m sure that if you do the same, everything will be alright!”

Sans bowed his head, not noticing the death grip his hands had on Papyrus’ own.

„i just… papyrus, i couldn’t forgive myself if i ever hurt you.”

„You won’t do that, Sans. At least, not on purpose! I know you, and you would never do such a thing. And even if we hurt each other by accident, we will find a way to work it out together!” He drew Sans’ hands to his chest, holding them over where his soul resided, warm and welcoming. „I believe in you, brother.”

_I believe in you._

The words resonated deep in his soul, and Sans opened his sockets, feeling as if a boulder had been removed off his chest.

„Also, Undyne promised me to punch everyone into oblivion who dared to raise a hand against us! Which is a little rude, but I suppose she means well.”

It took a second for Sans to realize that he was laughing, not his usual brief chuckle but genuine, relieved, carefree laughter. Papyrus was smiling as well, and Sans could have sworn it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

„So all that remains is to decide… if you want to be with me.”

As much as he was prone to analyzing and overthinking everything, to this he already knew the answer.

„i do.”

And as if those words had finally broken the barrier inside him, Sans didn’t resist anymore when Papyrus lifted a hand to cup his face and gently clink their teeth together. He let his eyesockets fall shut, his arms wrapping around his brother’s neck, pulling their bodies flush against each other, pressing closer, closer, leaning into the kiss, pouring his entire soul into it, giving Papyrus everything he had. Which was not much, admittedly, but he was giving it of his own free will, without fear, without doubt, without the urge to hide. And somehow, it didn’t matter how weak he was anymore. They were there for each other. They were going to make it work, like they always did. Sans was finally sure of it. His soul felt so light and full at the same time, he was afraid it would burst. He felt Papyrus slowly, reluctantly break the kiss, and he opened his eyesockets to look up at his brother, his feelings clearly written on his face for Papyrus to see. He wanted him to see. And the way Papyrus’ face lit up showed him that for once, he made the right choice.

„Wowie…”

„Pay up.”

The two skeletons nearly fell off the couch at the unexpected noise. Papyrus landed with one leg on the carpet, trying to support his weight, while Sans’ arm was dangling off the cushion, their torsos lying on top of each other. When they finally managed to untangle their limbs, Sans snapped his head toward the corner where he heard the laughter coming from. The door of the living room stood wide open, revealing the pajama-clad duo of Alphys and Undyne. Alphys was peeking through her claws, barely suppressing her squealing, while Undyne was sporting the toothiest grin that Sans had ever seen on her face. She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and Sans briefly wondered if one of her ancestors had been a shark.

„UNDYNE!”, Papyrus exclaimed, involuntarily raising his voice in embarrassment. „WHAT AN… UNEXPECTED SURPRISE? WHAT ARE YOU… DOING… DOWN HERE?”

„My… my secret ship!” Alphys blurted out, her voice reaching an almost inaudibly high pitch. Papyrus raised an eyebrow. The lizard monster quickly regained her senses and broke out in a nervous stutter.

„Um, w-we heard a cry earlier and decided to ch-check out if everything was okay and, and –”

„– found you two smooching it up!”, Undyne took over smoothly as Alphys resumed her squealing. The fish monster turned to her girlfriend with a triumphant expression. „Told you Papyrus was going to sweep him off his feet tonight! Nerd never stood a chance.”

„WELL!”, Papyrus cleared his throat. „I GUESS THAT MEANS EVERYTHING IS OKAY THEN! SO, UH…”

Despite the wave of immense relief that washed over him, Sans decided that this was more than enough excitement for one night. He closed his eyesockets, grin widening mischievously.

„sorry, guys, but you’re kinda in the way right now. looks like paps and i must have a little…”

„SANS –”

„…heart-to-heart.”

He could barely get out a chuckle before his brother, this time a little more forcefully, cupped his face and caught his mouth another kiss. Heh, if this was Papyrus’ preferred method of shutting him up, he sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

„Oh my STARS you guys, we should totally catch this moment for scientific research! Alph! Go fetch your phone before they –”

Sans promptly slammed the door shut.


End file.
